“Close the door,” said the 82-year-old shopkeeper who was too old to even close the door on his own. “Close the door,” he said again, she was very scared and with a trembling voice, she repeated, “I just want a box of pencils and a ruler uncle.” “Yes, I will give you what you want, after you give me what I want.” Standing petrified, she could not say a word in protest, she closed the door. “Now come closer to uncle,” he said, so she did! He made her stand close enough, so he could slide his hand down her knickers and stroke his finger in her underpants. Disgusted and frightened she stood there being sexually harassed.
Her trauma did not stop there. She got physically harassed by her father’s best friend at the age of 13 and even today, at the age of 24, she gets a rush in her stomach when he visits their place. Notwithstanding all this, it was as if the flesh-eating wolves were pulled towards the girl. Thereafter she got molested at the age of 15 and 16 respectively, by her cousins, sons of her aunt. Though in the later incidence she almost saved herself from getting raped, warning her brother that she will yell and everyone would get to know.
Bag full of incidences followed her throughout her childhood and adolescence, the cycle rickshaw wala holding her from her chest to put her on the rickshaw, the tailor feeling her while measuring her, the uncles tickling her, even when she asked them not to. All these bits of hands and eyes on her body left a very deep dark impression on her mind. Even the thought of being alone in a room with a man freaked her out.
She did not understand, what pleasure a man got out of touching a small girl in her pants or her underdeveloped breasts. She could not even tell anyone anything, how could she? What could she tell? She was terrified and ashamed of what happened to her. In fact, she did not even know what had happened with her, it just felt filthy.
To date she can feel that nauseating rush. Even today, when a man picks up a little girl around her, she feels the agony and gets equally scared the way she got when she was 5. Those days of molestation have made her lose all trust in men around and feel very insecure about her little cousins and nieces.
But the one thing that she learned, out of all that had stained her childhood was that ‘Silence’ is not the answer to it. A little girl will obviously get scared in such a situation and might not be able to raise her voice, but the least we can do to save her from having a bruised childhood is talk to her! Speak with her about it, make her understand that someone touching her inappropriately, or saying something physically offensive is not acceptable. Nobody is asking you to make her paranoid about men around; but simply, make her aware of the line, that no one should be allowed to cross.
Put the idea across to her, that she can discuss anything on these lines without being hesitant. This is the least we can do to make our little angels safe and aware, to stay away from the physically hungry, mentally unstable, and emotionally disturbed men, for they could be anyone from her brothers, uncles, or cycle Rickshaw walas.
Talk to your children! Know what is happening with them, little stories, small gestures, some unsaid hints might let you know if your child is being sexually abused.
It took her around 10 years to vent it out, talk to people about it, and make the little girls aware. It was high time to let go of her inhibitions, for she understood that it was not her fault that she became the victim of a man’s lust which left her ached for life. Now after saying it out loud, she felt that great burden was lifted off her chest.
So, know from now, if it happened with you, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Photo courtesy: Google images
Well, we are brought up in such a way that we can't question our elders, and if we do then we are called "spoiled brats", I have experienced the kind of touch you are talking about in whole article. I have a brother, who used to touch me inside my shirts and feel, later when I grew up he used to hug really tight to feel me, and then he used to kiss me all over my neck (He is not real brother of mine but son of my mother's best friend, but now it has been 22years and he is still with us) I was frightened but had to tell my mom about this, so I told her that how I feel like being raped everyday when he touches me but she said "Tum aise gandi baatein kaha se seekhti ho? He loves you like his own kid", She never realized the pain I had to go through. The brother I am talking about, used to touch my Bra's and Panties, talk about my boobs with my mom, still she never understood. Its difficult to understand why my mom has even now (I feel) more trust on him than her own kids. Once I was sleeping and he kissed me on my lips, this is when I turned 19, I felt like kicking on his middle leg but the only thing I could do was rush into my room and cry like mad, wrote all over wooden cupboards "I hate you, MOM". Now I am 20, Last year I had fight with him because he touched me wrong way again, I cried and yelled and he slapped me in reply. At that moment he said "She is a bitch, I won't talk to her ever", and since then I am free of his Dirty eyes and hands, that's how I made my way out. But still sometimes I have to deal with him in nice way, as he, 24/7, stay right in front of my eyes.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that after this incident I never liked touch of a guy, I had relationships but then there is obviously difference between touch of love and touch of HAWAS, and my mom who always have kept me away from guys, never let me talk and go out, never knew what was happening in front of her eyes. I had to keep secrets, and secrets grew so much every day that it built a long gap between me and my mother. Though I love my mom a lot and believe kuch toh majboori rahi hogi, and feel really sad about all the lies and secrets I have to keep hidden from her,and also stand for her whenever I can, but still it hurts and I wish she could understand.
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